"Oh, my goodness, I never saw you like a vampire before!"
— Liam, after I flipped my collar up and buttoned my top button.

Molly: Mommy, I found a worm!
Mom: That's a caterpillar, Honey.
Molly: A callapiller? And he have nussing to eat and he have a fambily.

So there's this inflatable pool. It's a whale, and you can attach a hose and have water spray out the blowhole. Dad was playing with the hose, squeezing and releasing it, causing the blowhole to spurt. At Mom's suggestion, he blocked the flow completely.
Mom: Molly, what happened to the water?
Molly: I don't know!
Mom: Go see!
Molly goes to see, Dad opens the hose, and she gets sprayed in the face (obviously).
Dad does it again.
Mom: Molly, what happened to the water? Go see!
Molly: I not going see. YOU go see!

"I like ‘rabulolies.’"
— Molly (that’s ‘ravioli’ if you couldn’t tell.)

"Close my tummy up, daddy!"
— Molly, after putting on a button-front shirt

Liam asked for a blanket. When I covered him, I also covered his head.
Liam: That was NOT necessary.

While we were waiting to go swimming, Molly peed in her swimsuit (and, consequently, on the floor)
Mom: Now, Molly, your swimsuit has pee all over it. How are you going to swim?
Molly: Like this: (makes swimming motions with her hands)

Molly: Nanny, fick my Barbie!
Nanny: Liam, can you fix it for her?
Liam: (Fixes Barbie) Now DON'T mess it up again, 'cause I'm NOT fixing it.
Molly: Yes, sir.

Liam: Dad, the TV keeps messing up!
Dad: What's it doing?
Liam: It keeps going black.
Dad: Well, there's nothing I can do abut that.
Liam: Uh-huh! You can call Charter.

"Once upon a time, there was a little bunny named Poo-poo."
— Molly, out of nowhere, and at the dinner table of all places

"That’s not poo-poo, that’s cheese!"
— Molly, out of nowhere, and at the dinner table of all places

"We guh’ bring our books out the blueberry!"
— Molly’s response to “We need to bring our books back to the library.”

Dad: Liam, you know what time it is?
Liam: What?
Dad: It's time for a punch! Are you excited?
Liam: (excited) Yeah!
Dad punches Liam in the face (gently, of course)
Liam: Hey, that wasn't exciting.

"That’s my magic wand. Bicky-bocky BOO!"
— Molly, waving around an arrow from a toy archery set we bought Liam today

"Umm… there was a ship coming, and there were frogs pretending to be aliens, and they were trying to get the boy out of bed, and his head bumped on the wall! And then they tried to get him out of bed again, and his butt was sticking out!! Then the boy was in the ship and then he fell out, then the ship landed on the house, and then the house was just the boy’s bed."
— Liam’s synopsis of “Lifted,” the new short from Pixar that precedes Ratatouille.

Liam: It’s not dark at the movies. There’s light from that TV.

Liam was teasing Molly about wetting her Pull-Up...
Mommy: Liam, she's still learning, and she has accidents sometimes.
Liam: You mean she has *on purposes* sometimes.