"Oh, my goodness, I never saw you like a vampire before!"
— Liam, after I flipped my collar up and buttoned my top button.

Molly: Mommy, I found a worm!
Mom: That's a caterpillar, Honey.
Molly: A callapiller? And he have nussing to eat and he have a fambily.

So there's this inflatable pool. It's a whale, and you can attach a hose and have water spray out the blowhole. Dad was playing with the hose, squeezing and releasing it, causing the blowhole to spurt. At Mom's suggestion, he blocked the flow completely.
Mom: Molly, what happened to the water?
Molly: I don't know!
Mom: Go see!
Molly goes to see, Dad opens the hose, and she gets sprayed in the face (obviously).
Dad does it again.
Mom: Molly, what happened to the water? Go see!
Molly: I not going see. YOU go see!

"I like ‘rabulolies.’"
— Molly (that’s ‘ravioli’ if you couldn’t tell.)

"Close my tummy up, daddy!"
— Molly, after putting on a button-front shirt

Liam asked for a blanket. When I covered him, I also covered his head.
Liam: That was NOT necessary.

While we were waiting to go swimming, Molly peed in her swimsuit (and, consequently, on the floor)
Mom: Now, Molly, your swimsuit has pee all over it. How are you going to swim?
Molly: Like this: (makes swimming motions with her hands)

Molly: Nanny, fick my Barbie!
Nanny: Liam, can you fix it for her?
Liam: (Fixes Barbie) Now DON'T mess it up again, 'cause I'm NOT fixing it.
Molly: Yes, sir.

Liam: Dad, the TV keeps messing up!
Dad: What's it doing?
Liam: It keeps going black.
Dad: Well, there's nothing I can do abut that.
Liam: Uh-huh! You can call Charter.